(train)
(siren)
(street traffic)
* Uno, dos. One, two, tres, cuatro... *
("Wooly Bully" by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs)
Jesus Christ!
* Hey!
* Wooly bully
* Watch it, now, watch it
Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it!
* Here we go, here we go
(humming)
* Watch it, now, he'll get you *
* Matty told Hatty *
"Hello, Mr. Fabian! How are you?"
I'm fair, and yourself?
* Had two big horns
Pull 400. That's the daily max, right?
No, Manhattan lets you pull five.
Take out five, motherfucker!
Five? Aw, Jesus Christ, do it yourself. Be my guest.
Just do it!
* Wooly bully
Know what I mean, chief?
Shit! Fuck! Fuckin' New York.
* Hatty told Matty
Jesus, what is this city coming to?
I can't even deposit a few bucks.
* Let's not be Lseven
* Come and learn to dance
* Wooly bully
* Wooly bully, wooly bully
* Watch it, now, watch it, watch it, watch it *
* Yeah, yeah *
* Right, right, right
Hey, Harry, how you doin'?
Hey!
Hey, baby.
Hey, Fabian,
Fabian, you got a phone call.
Thank you.
I lost my wife because of you, you Jew bastard!
You piece of shit! Let me go!
Motherfucker! Cocksucker! Get your hands off me!
I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, you motherfucker!
How'd you screw up this case today?!
HARRY: Get him off me, get him off me!
Fucking bastard! Fucker...
It's your own fault, asshole!
(siren)
You say a fuckin' lot, cocksucker!
I'll kill you, man!
What kind of fuckin' lawyer-- Oh, fuck you.
What kind of fuckin' lawyer are you, man?
The only kind you can afford, you cheap bastard.
All right, you're going with us.
You want me? You want me?
Let me go. Let me go.
I want my wife back, you aimless piece of shit!
I'll rip his fuckin' lungs out.
Come on, man, let me go, let me go.
Come on, come on. Get in there!
You want me? All you fucking sleazebag lawyers are the same!
And I'm not Jewish!
What the hell was that?
What an animal. For this I went to law school!
All of a sudden, out of the blue-- Boy.
Out of the blue, right, Harry?
What, it's my fault, right?
(laughing)
This is my fault we lost the case, right?
I know you think it's my fault we lost the case, right?
Everything is my fault!
See this?
(coughs)
MAN: Hey, you all right, pal?
You shouldn't bolt your drink, Harry.
What are you, my mother?
Not yours.
You want to rock me to sleep,
you want to sing me a little lullaby?
What did you say to my wife?
What did I say to who?
What are you talking to him like that for?
What?
I'll talk to whoever I want.
Excuse me? Say that again?
Hey, yo, Phil, Phil, you see this?
Yo, Phil, you see this?
Sanchez whacked some drunk Irishman or something. Some kid.
What Irish? You're talking Irish.
It's in there. How do you know it's there?
Grogan O'Grogan from Whitestone.
Gorgon, Ozone Park. Emmet Gorgon.
Phil, give me the phone, please. For what?
Just let me use the phone! Phil, come on.
OPERATOR: What city, please?
Yes, uh, Ozone Park, Queens.
An Emmet Gorgon, please.
Gorgon, Gorgon. Not Grogan.
Gorgon, like Medusa and the Gorgons.
You know, that's Greek mythology.
555...
9130.
Yes, hello.
Emmet Gorgon there, please?
Gorgon? Yes, Emmet Gorgon, please.
Uh, Harry Fabian, attorney at law.
Yes. Emmet, Harry Fabian, attorney at law.
I'm just calling. I read the paper.
Let me ask you something. How's the headaches?
What do you mean, what headaches?
Blurry vision, depression, insomnia, bruises...
What am I talking about?
You know what you got hit with last night?
Registered weapons, my man. Bimbam, boombam.
Now you're a tough kid with balls, I can tell over the phone,
but the law states that a professional boxer's hands...
You know what they are?
They are registered weapons, which you got hit with.
OK, big deal. So you got shoved.
We're gonna sue his ass. You got a girl? You gonna get married?
How much you make a year?
Hey, it's OK. I'm your attorney.
It's legal confidence. It's like telling your priest.
(laughing)
You make 18,5.
How you gonna get married on 18,5?
Where are you gonna live, in a migrant labor camp?
How much? Conservatively, 200300...
100,000. Mental anguish alone could get you that.
Do you understand?
Mental anguish alone could get you that.
OK, tomorrow you're gonna see this doctor. He's the best.
This guy can do like openheart surgery with mittens on.
You ready? Pedro Soldano.
Soldano.
No, no, no, no. Don't go see your regular doctor.
This is a specialist in legal medicine.
He is a Manhattan doctor.
Queens doctors is a nono, OK?
Just listen to your lawyer, Harry Fabian.
The attorneyship is called Fabian, Fabian and Fabian.
Yes, good. You're very welcome.
Good. (chuckles)
(exhales) Jesus.
What a fucking shyster.
Shyster? The kid's a victim!
Phil, Phil.
I'm gonna clean up, and then you'll see.
Here, drink this. Get it over with. What's that?
Cleaning fluid. Get it over with nice and easy.
Sanchez is in Boom Boom Grossman's stable, you putz,
and you're gonna sue him?
Drink this now. It'll be a lot quicker.
Go ahead. Boom Boom? Screw him!
You know what? He's the king of the victimizers.
Is he here? Because I'll tell him to his face.
Is that right? Oh, yeah.
Is that right?
Go ahead. He's having dinner.
Go on back and kick the shit out of him, bad ass.
Go ahead! Go ahead, tough guy!
Guy goes like this, five people die in Oklahoma...
(pretend shivering)
I told him, see. There he is.
What's everybody laughing about?
That's what I told him. I went over there.
I told him, Boom Boom, I'll kick your ass.
("You've Really Got a Hold on Me" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles)
Oh!
(laughing)
No...
I thought it was you. What are you doing?
What am I doing? Let's go to my place.
Oh, I can't.
Then let's go to yours.
What, are you crazy?
Well, where are we gonna go?
Right here.
* You really got a hold on me *
* Baby
* I love you and all I want you to do *
* Is just hold me
* Hold me, hold me
* Hold me *
Harry, I gotta talk to you about something.
About what?
I'm thinking about going out to California.
Yeah? With what?
Well, my brotherinlaw's restaurant's going belly up
and I could buy it real cheap.
With Phil? With Phil?
No, I gotta get away from him.
I want my own place.
Bad idea. What?
You're a New Yorker, like me.
You freak out halfway through the Holland Tunnel.
Bad idea.
I don't know about that.
Bad idea. Yeah?
Bad idea.
You're a New Yorker. You're a New Yorker.
(laughing)
(panting)
(horn honks)
MAN 1: Hey, I'm not making the money.
MAN 2: How many dozen you got?
MAN 1: I got-- I got 500.
OK, now tell me again. So, what happened?
He said to me, "What'd you say?"
So I busted him in his head.
I says, "How's your hearing now?"
Yo! I'm sorry, Mr. Fabian. I'm sorry.
Let's just talk about this tomorrow, OK?
'Cause we got to think of something
other than the hardofhearing defense.
OK? 9:00 all right?
Because I got a 2:30 appointment right now.
WOMAN: I'll miss another day of work 'cause of you!
Is this suite 201? WOMAN: I'm sick of you.
Emmet Grogan? Gorgon.
Gorgon. Oh, right. Yeah, Gorgon.
Come on in. Come on in. Yeah.
Gorgon.
You see Dr. Pedro yet?
Yeah, you saw Dr. Pedro.
Have a seat.
How do you feel? I feel great.
You feel terrible.
You feel like shit.
How much is two and two?
Four.
Five. You can't even add.
You can't even add two and two.
Do you want to make some money? OK.
You feel terrible.
(laughs)
("I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)" by Aretha Franklin)
* You're a nogood heartbreaker *
* You're a liar and you're a cheat *
* I don't know why...
Marty fatass been looking for you.
He's been in and out of here like ten times in the last hour.
Yeah? Where is he? I don't know.
Harry, guess what me and Helen are doing.
We're taking off for two weeks.
Yeah? Where you going?
Jamaica. You get to Jamaica?
Yeah, Jamaica, Queens.
Nah, the Caribbean.
Got us a bungalow right on the beach.
They come by once a day,
grill your fish, and that's it.
It's gonna be nothing but me, her, and the moon for two weeks.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Sounds like paradise, mon.
I can't wait.
Hell, I ain't even gonna wear any clothes.
Harry the dancer.
Marty fatass!
Dancer, do you got something for me?
I got something for you. You got something for me?
Look, I only got 1,500.
No problem. I'll get Ray's right now. No problem.
Huh? OK.
I said two large, right? Right.
You show up with 1,500, that's 3/4, right? OK...
OK, OK! Goddamn thief!
Me, a thief? You want a hack license
with three counts of grand auto behind you,
and I'm a thief? You know what?
A guy like you I should charge double,
you fuckin' loser. You got some nerve.
All right, I got it. What am I gonna say?
Me a thief.
Harry, thank you, brother.
You're welcome.
What a deadbeat.
Could you believe getting in a cab
driven by that ton of bad brains?
Harry.
Hey, Tommy.
See the paper? Tommy's column?
"Bet these teams
"only if you want to retire in Acapulco:
Lakers, Celts, Knicks, Nets."
Right? Collectively, they lost by 32 points.
You're a sports writer?
Who you like tonight?
Fuckin' Tommy, Phil.
He took the Titanic over the iceberg,
plus points.
PHIL: Ooh. Here he comes.
Go get him, Harry.
Everybody, say hello.
Wallace "The Hurt" Fuwad,
Alphonse "Downtown" Brown.
Hey, Tessler, come and join us like a halfhour.
I'll give you an item there.
("The Great Pretender" by The Platters)
"I'll give you an item there."
Another war hero.
Must be Audie Murphy day. Yeah?
I spit on his grave. (raspberries)
Who are you kidding? You'll be kissing his ass
in exactly 29 minutes.
28.
That is, unless, you know,
you got something, you know...
Somebody tips you about something
for the earlymorning edition.
Yeah? Like what?
Like the kid that got whacked by Sanchez
in that disco was suing Sanchez's ass.
You can bet your ass on that.
Are you kidding me, Harry? You're taking Sanchez to court?
Boom Boom will eat your eyes out,
plus you'll lose, you jerkoff. That kid didn't even get hurt.
They said it couldn't be done.
It's your life, Harry.
I'm an undisclosed source, right? I got to take care of myself.
Totally. I don't know who the hell you are.
Just say I'm wellplaced.
Wellplaced.
Go ahead.
* Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender *
* Ooh, ooh
* Just laughin' and gay like a clown *
* Ooh ooh
* I seem to be
* What I'm not... *
Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Yes!
* I'm wearin' my heart like a crown *
(telephone rings)
Yo.
Hey, asshole, did I wake you up?
Who's this? I know this voice.
It's Grossman.
Boom Boom?
What the fuck are you doing with Sanchez? What do you mean?
You know what I mean, asshole. The case with this kid.
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, you want to talk law?
I'm 85 an hour. For you, you know what? 75.
What the fuck are you doing?
Do you know what I'm gonna do to you,
scumbag, if you don't drop this case?
Wait, wait a second. Wait a second, Boom Boom.
Wait a minute, I got to turn on the tape recorder. Hold on, hold on.
There. OK. What are you gonna do to me, I don't drop this case?
(hangs up telephone)
What do you want from me?
HARRY: No, darling, entrapment is when they come onto you.
You go up to a cop, you offer to clean his pipes for 50 bucks,
you're not a plumber. They got you!
But I don't do that!
I'm you, you're me. You're a john, OK?
(laughing) You're me?
Just shut up and watch, OK?
OK. (laughing)
Do you know where there's a party tonight?
What you got in there, sweet stuff?
Carmen, I'm serious. I'm tired of bailing you out.
(knock on door)
Yeah?
You, Mother Teresa, hit it.
Do as I tell ya! Don't you touch me!
Hit it! Get out!
Carmen, Carmen, OK.
I'll see you Tuesday morning, 9 A.M.
OK, Harry. That's the court date.
Stay off the street till then.
American!
What is this, Fabian?
Uh, you are?
John Bonney, Sanchez' attorney.
What are you pulling?
Hey, my client got whacked by
a worldranked professional fighter.
Bullshit! Bullshit?
I got his medical right here, Jack.
Who'd you send him to? Dr. Pedro in East Harlem?
What if I did? The man's got as much right to practice medicine
as you got to practice law.
No, more like as you got to practice law.
I got six years Bronx legal aid under my belt.
I represent more guys in a week
than you represent in a year.
Ooh! And a fine crew of taxpayers they are too, I bet, huh?
Unlike Cuda Sanchez.
Sanchez is a professional athlete.
My point exactly. So you want to settle
or you want to go to trial?
You fucking insect.
(raspberries)
You can call me all the names you want.
You want to settle or you want to go to trial?
Yeah, yeah! Yeah what?
You want to settle? Yeah, let's go to trial.
Is that OK with you, counselor?
Practice a little law?
Hey, you wanna go to trial, OK, let's go to trial.
(grunting)
That's it! That's it!
A left and a right.
Big combination. Yeah.
(bell rings)
I need a lightheavy for a fourrounder!
You know where this kid Sanchez is?
I gotta talk to this kid Sanchez.
Sanchez? Yeah.
His lawyer wants to tie him up in court for the next six months.
Sanchez!
These kids will tear a new asshole for Sanchez.
These are my boys.
Sanchez won't get in the ring with them.
Sanchez won't be able to get in the ring with anybody.
I mean, your lawyer's supposed to work for you, right?
Sanchez is pretty good, isn't he?
Don't you listen, or what?
Fuck Sanchez!
You watch these kids!
I could beat Sanchez. Yeah, me.
You could beat Sanchez!
I probably could beat Sanchez.
You know, I used to do a little boxing myself, you know.
I boxed at Oxford.
Quit when I killed somebody.
Yeah? I went to Cocksford.
(laughing)
But seriously, is Sanchez around?
When does he come in?
There he goes. Again with Sanchez!
Look, you see everybody there,
oh, except that guy in the blue?
Uhhuh. Everybody there,
when they was in their prime, fighting,
Sanchez couldn't have even sparred with them,
and they fought when the days were the days!
They'd fight ten, 20 fights a year.
No kidding. Yeah.
There. See that guy there, with the ears?
He beat Tami Mauriello.
Tami Mauriello?
Tami used to come in here.
Back then, you had ten arenas.
You'd fight ten, 20 times a year.
You'd go around a corner, you'd see a fight.
Coliseum, St. Nick's, Dykeman Oval, Fort Hamilton,
Star Casino, Hippodrome, Greensborough.
You'd go up to White Plains.
There's nothing now.
If you want to see a fight,
you got to watch TV.
Cable TV, pay TV.
So how come there are no local arenas anymore?
I mean, you got lots of fighters, right?
What the fuck am I?
It's a different class of people.
The fighters don't give a shit.
The managers...
Hey, you see that guy over there?
He don't give a shit. Trainers don't know shit!
Promoters... they're scumbags.
Like Boom Boom Grossman.
Oh...
He's the king of scumbags!
Hey, you know who used to come around here?
Al Grossman.
Who's Al Grossman?
The good one, the good brother!
That's Boom Boom's brother?
And he used to hang here?
Oh, yeah, up until about six months ago.
He moved to some Jew retirement home in Coney Island.
He used to hang around here all the time.
Al Grossman.
He fought Tami Mauriello.
No, not Tami Mauriello.
Maxie Berger.
Yeah. He lives in Miami Beach.
Who does?
Who are we talking about?
Ya bastard.
This is wild, you know?
I mean, really, I've never been in a boxing gym before.
This is really wild.
OK, I fill this out, throw it back to you,
throw you a check for 450, form a corporation--
That's it. I'm a promoter?
We run a check on you.
You clear that, that's it.
You gonna run a check on me? Uhhuh.
Go into my past? Uhhuh.
'Cause I was involved, you know. There are things: OSS, CIA.
I don't know if they'll let you have access.
Burma, Macao... national security, you know.
There are things.
What should I call my corporation?
Bullshit Productions.
Bullshit Productions?
You want to see scars?
No, I don't want to show you my scars.
Tiger cages, sweats in the night.
Bullshit Productions, huh? Bullshit Productions.
I'll think about it. Are you married?
I'm gonna run a check on you.
Bullshit Productions.
I like it.
Just remember what I said:
keep your nose clean till the court date.
You understand, Mike?
You wanna take a walk in Central Park, leave the baseball bat at home.
Hey, Harry, I told you, I didn't do anything, man.
I know, I know. Just remember what I said, OK?
Please.
Hey, is this Elaine's over there? That's Elaine's, isn't it?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Elaine's.
You ever go in there? Pretty heavy, that place.
I always wanted to go in there. So why don't you go in?
Eh, it's a heavyweight place.
So fucking what?
You're a goddamned lawyer, right?
An attorney? Go hobnob a little, you know?
Go in there.
Look who's going in there now. Big limo.
Eh, so what? Probably a star or something, you know?
A lot of stars go there.
It's a classy place, you know? It's good.
Why don't you pay for this, OK?
Put it on our bill. I pay for it? I pay for it?
Yeah. You're my client, so pay for it.
Hi.
Yes?
Yeah, just a-- just a vodka tonic.
Vodka tonic? Please.
And one for yourself.
Oh, I don't drink. Thanks.
So, this is Elaine's, huh?
Better be.
Where's all the movie stars?
Lunchtime's over.
(indistinct)
Is that Regis Philbin?
Give him another round.
Give them whatever they want. Give them another round.
You can top me off, too.
I'm sure they wouldn't, you know?
(indistinct)
Excuse me. Sorry, I don't mean to bother you.
I just got to tell you, you kill me. I love your show.
Thanks, thanks. "Thanks," he says.
It's a gift what you give people. I just--
It's on me, it's on me. Cheapest wine in the house.
Thanks. Thanks very much.
You know what, I'm in entertainment, too. I'm a boxing promoter.
Really? Harry Fabian, Bullshit Productions.
Bullshit Productions?
That's a lot of class, Harry.
I mean, Knockout Productions. It's like an injoke
I have with my secretary, that Bullshit Productions.
So, the show is great. Kathie Lee's really funny.
You two really work well together.
Thanks, Harry. Thanks.
I hope I'm not saying the wrong thing. I hope this isn't your wife.
This is my wife. It is your wife.
Aah! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am.
No problem. I didn't mean it--
No, no. Harry, thanks for the wine.
Oh, yeah, of course.
I meant that you two have a good professional working relationship together,
that's how I meant it, of course.
You know, I wouldn't-- I'm interfering.
Be well, Mr. Philbin, Mrs. Philbin.
Nice to meet you. Thanks.
Bye. Enjoy the wine.
I'm sorry, I just want to ask you one more thing.
Please.
Sorry, it's my only chance, I got to take it.
Listen, I'm a boxing promoter, like I said.
Here's my card. I'm also an attorney.
Harry Fabian. Fabian, Fabian and Fabian--
Harry, you want to get somebody on the show?
No, no, I wasn't thinking of that, actually, but that's a good idea.
I was just thinking maybe I could invite you to a main event,
you know, one of my, when I have my boxing things.
Call the office.
OK. I'll be happy to come.
Good. Once again, thanks.
Nice to meet you. Thank you.
Oh, Christ!
("What'd I Say" by Ray Charles)
Give me two!
Look, I get a promoter's license, 450, right?
Yeah. Then I...
Tom! Then I rent some neighborhood hall, like a VFW, like a disco.
Then I rent a ring, chairs, security, a publicist,
some advertising, ticket takers,
a press conference. We're talking, I don't know,
10,000 bucks, maybe 15.
Then I throw down a bond with a commission for 7,000
for the purse, the judges, the ref,
the ambulance, God forbid,
timekeeper, doctor, whatever. So what am I saying?
450, 15 large, 7 large, 22,
maybe 25 grand, all told.
I could bring back the good old days.
Local talent, local arena. Bingo, bango, it's the rage.
Hello, 1938. It'll catch on like wildfire.
What do you think? What do you think?
The guy's in the john. Go ahead.
Look, I'll be right back. I got some ideas.
You know, I was thinking about what you were saying.
I was listening.
Give my regards to them.
Right.
Where you gonna get 25,000?
Where? Where?
I'll win it on a game show, I don't know.
Where did Edison get the light bulb?
He went to Con Ed and got the money, right?
What, are you kidding me?
I'll beat backers off with a club.
I have some people interested already.
I'll give you one name. One name. Hmm?
Regis Philbin, the talk show host.
Harry, I got to talk to you about something.
That's OK, 'cause it's you and me...
Cut the crap. I'm serious.
...doing what comes naturally. Harry...
Hey, Phil,
you caught me. OK, you caught me, Phil.
I'm in love with your wife.
She's too good for you.
MAN: Case number 466952.
Grogan-- Gorgon vs. Sanchez.
Judge Parker presiding.
Will counsel please approach the bench?
No, Fabian, look at me.
Now turn around and see if you see what I see.
Will the defendant and the plaintiff please rise?
Fabian...
Get the fuck out of my court.
Yes, Your Honor. Yes.
What did I do, Harry? I didn't do nothing.
No, you were great. You were great.
You win some, you lose some.
Anything? Money? No.
The car. I bought a car.
What do you mean you bought a car?
You took ownership already, or you just ordered?
I ordered. When?
Yesterday, 'cause you said--
OK, yeah. What did you put down, 1,000? 15.
All right, call the bank. Call them and stop payment.
Screw them. You want a car? Call John's Body Shop on Queens Blvd.
Tell him you're a client of mine.
He'll throw you an almostnew Caddy
for half what you pay these other parasites, all right?
I wanted a Trans Am. Yeah, well, I want to live forever.
What else is new, you know?
You're welcome.
Listen, when you get outside,
take her in a cab, not on the subway,
'cause the animals will go nuts on her down there.
And then wait a few blocks
to take that goddamn brace off your neck, all right?
You're starting to get a rash.
Harry, are you gonna send me a bill?
No, you paid me. No, I didn't.
You paid me. No, I didn't.
Uh, Gorgon, Gorgon or whatever your name is, you ever box?
Box? You ever box?
Box. Big white kid. Change your name.
Irish. Billy Irish. Put shamrocks on your trunks.
Look, lose about 90 pounds, you'll become a middleweight, OK?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. What's? What's the--
What did I do?
What did I do? Hey, this is gonna be great for you.
Hey, you know, you're welcome. Thank you for saying thank you
to me after what I just did for you.
I just got this kid more goddamned publicity.
The headlines will be "David and Goliath."
"Jack the Giant Killer."
The picture of them standing up in court? Forget about it.
Up till now, Superfly was a strictly chink in the greaser division.
No offense. What's gonna happen now?
Everybody and their mother's gonna want to see Jack the Giant Killer fight.
That's right. He's a hero now, this kid, yeah.
I did that. What, you didn't think I knew what I was doing?
Yeah. Tell Grossman it's on the house.
Bless you, my son. Thank you so much.
The children thank you, and God loves you.
Bless you. Thank you. Fucking cunt.
What a kind face. You know,
just a small donation--
Hey! Outside! Whoa!
Move it! Get your ass out of here!
Sleazy bitch.
Phil Nasseros, the meanest bartender in New York.
Fucking guy just 86'd a nun.
Last April she was the Easter bunny.
BOOM BOOM: Fabian.
It's your case.
Aw, Harry, don't.
Hello, sister, I saw the whole thing.
I'm a lawyer. We're gonna sue his ass, OK?
Go fuck yourself.
She just told me to go fuck myself!
I agree. He agrees, this guy.
If Fabian'd see a bird digging up a worm
he'd get the worm to sue for assault.
No. Whiplash.
Harry Fabian, defender of worms.
Boom Boom, I lost a case. I'm a good sport about it.
What are you drinking? Johnnie Walker, right?
Phil, throw him a Black Label on me.
You'll never believe this. I got a promoter's license.
I'm inspired by you, man.
I'm gonna take a shot at promoting.
I mean, nothing on your level, obviously, but you know.
To promoting.
This one's on you, huh?
Come on, Boom Boom, don't.
I knew this guy once.
He was a pretty shitty fighter,
but what he could do-- I saw him do this once.
He could take a guy's face, like this:
And then take his finger, like this:
And drive it through his fucking brains.
Want a refill, tough guy?
Fuck you.
Thank you. Tommy.
Tommy, who did Al Grossman fight? Who?
Al, Al Grossman, Boom Boom's brother. Who did he fight?
Al Grossman? Jeez, that's going back.
Well, who did he fight? Give me a name.
Tami fucking Mauriello, like every other fucking meat pie, huh?
Maxie Rosenbloom, I think, once.
Uh, old Slapsie Maxie.
What's the matter with you?
Harry? Will you help the children, my son?
A little spare change for the children? What's the problem?
Hey, Harry, where you going?
The children thank you. God loves you.
Al Grossman?
Over there?
Thank you.
Sticking him. Sticking him.
And you know Tony.
You should have known Tony. I mean,
he looks up at me.
He says, uh, "Hey, Al, where the fuck are we?"
(laughing)
Hey, yeah. I swear. Yeah.
I wish my father was alive just for today.
Al Grossman. This is Al Grossman.
My father worshiped the ground you walked on.
He said the time you fought Maxie Rosenbloom
was like the greatest fight he ever saw.
Which time?
What?
Well, which fight, the first or the second?
(raspberries)
Which do you think, Al?
This guy.
Harry Fabian, attorney at law.
It's an honor. It's an honor.
You are a legend. A legend.
Can I talk to you, Al, for a minute?
Yeah.
They gave me a nice apartment,
right down by the ocean. Uhhuh.
This development, you know what it's called?
What?
Mountain View. Mountain View, heh.
Yeah, these developers have got another retirement compound in Boca.
I mean, it's the same setup, and you know what they call that?
What? Ocean View.
Oh, what the fuck do I know.
WOMAN: Come on, come and dance.
You know, my health, thank God, except for one thing.
What? You know, whenever I--
How old are you?
What, you got trouble getting it up?
What the fuck you doing out here?
Al, this is, you know, like alter kaker city. You're a New York guy.
I've watched you. You're like a man of 47 out there.
Come on. What are you gonna do,
hook up with some little old pigeon with a bank book,
make you a nice gefilte fish every night,
watch a little TV?
Go to a doctor, get a little surgical implant
with a little crank.
Play cards with a bunch of hearing aids.
Give me a break.
Grossman, this is like the Greyhound station for death.
Could you see Boom Boom living out here?
Hey, look, don't fuckin' talk to me about that prick.
You know, that I don't understand, Al.
In fact, I'm gonna tell you something.
That makes me very depressed.
Well, I don't talk to him, I don't talk about him.
There's at least two guys in three divisions,
they can't get a title crack, and you know why?
Why?
Because they're not signed up with that cocksucker.
Hey, my brother's an orthodontist.
An orthodontist, you know?
But he's still my brother, right?
Hey, I'm no angel. I was no angel.
When I was a kid, I pulled some armed robbery.
I mean, it was a different time,
but... you know, what I mean? I had a gun.
I said, "stick 'em up" or some shit.
But it was an honest robbery.
I mean, not like, uh, not like today.
What are those?
Nothing.
You start, uh, talking to me about Boom Boom...
You know what his real name is?
Ira. Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?
So what do you think about what I'm saying?
You come back into town, you spot me my talent.
We bring back the good old days.
Huh? What do you think? Eh, there never was any good old days.
Boxing's always been a poor man's out.
Well, whatever, but what do you think, huh?
(sighs)
All right, I'll do it on one condition.
What? You got to be honest with me.
Were you bullshitting me about your father?
Absolutely not, Mr. Grossman.
I swear on my goldfish's eyes
I was not bullshitting you.
I swear...
I was lying out of my ass.
I knew it.
Phil, there's like a million guys out there
I could be offering this to.
I come to you first out of respect and friendship.
"Take a hike"? "Take a hike"?
With all due respect, a man comes to you, offers you
20 large back on a $15,000 loan,
a man you've known for years, Phil, years.
"Take a hike."
Come on, how could you say that to me, Phil, really?
Come on, how could you say that to me?
Bing! Bang! In a bag, a paper bag, back to you,
right from the ticket taker to you, Phil.
I won't even touch it.
2,000 seats at 15 a pop plus beer.
I will not make it back, Phil?
Come on, with all due respect.
Will you get out of my face, Fabian?
OK, look, I don't want to use the wrong word here.
I don't want to say "scared," 'cause that's not you,
I know, but are you concerned about Grossman?
This I would understand. Normally I would be too,
but circumstances, I'm gonna tell you, have turned out such
that at present, you know what?
I fucking laugh at Grossman.
With all due respect, I fucking laugh at Grossman.
Grossman will not fucking come near me,
and I cannot tell you why right now because it's a surprise,
but hear this: if Grossman is Superman, which he is not,
then you know what I am? I am kryptonite.
Trust me on this.
You saying I'm afraid of Grossman?
Is that what you're saying? I said that?
Did I say that? Phil, Phil, did I say that?
I would put hot, flaming barbecue fucking skewers
in my fucking eyes before I would say that to you or about you, Phil.
To you or about you. Hear this.
Drop all thoughts of that here and now, Phil.
But let me take another tack
while I'm standing here with you, OK?
Phil, listen, you are the most successful of all my peers, my friends.
This establishment is, like, legendary
in its reputation and excellence,
but, but, and once again, I have to be painstakingly careful
in my choice of words here.
Didn't you ever in the middle of the night,
maybe, say, 4:30 a.m.,
didn't you ever want to be more than-- not just a bartender,
because we all know you are a legendary bartender,
but the thing is-- Wait a minute, wait a minute. What the fuck--
I mean, who the fuck do you think you're talking to, huh?
You asshole! I mean, you don't even know what it's like
to earn $15,000,
and you come in here, running down my husband?
You ambulancechasing shyster bastard!
You don't even trust you.
Hey, hey, hey, Helen, really, you know, just say what you feel.
Don't hold back. We're all friends here.
You know, you just--
I'm gonna tell you something, Harry.
You're so fucking smart,
you go out and you get $7,500,
and Phil will loan you 75 to match, OK?
I'll give you three days.
Three days?
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.
Bitch.
("Money (That's What I Want)" by Jr. Walker and The All Stars)
* The best things in life are free *
* But you can give it to the birds and bees *
* I need money *
* That's what I want
* Hey *
* I need money, that's what I want *
* That's what I want
* Hey...
Gupy. Harry.
Is Faruz around?
He's right there.
Harry, my son.
Abdul Ben Fazul.
Hey.
I dreamt of you last night.
Me, too.
I dream about you last night.
You did? Yeah.
(speaking foreign language)
I dream you become rich man.
Harry, I'm not interested in boxing.
Faruz, you don't have to be interested in boxing.
You got to be interested
in getting back 9,000 on 7,5, guaranteed.
No, Harry. Guaranteed.
Guaranteed! Harry, I got something better
for me and you. What? What?
What? Faruz, I could be going to a thousand guys.
I'm coming to you first, you know?
I'm coming to you first!
Look. Have one of these, Harry?
Fantastic. Four heads, cable ready,
plays dirty movies,
cartoons for the children, everything.
Take it. Take it. It's a gift. Oh, no.
What is this, a game show?
A friend gave them to me.
I give some to you. No.
Sell them for 400. You keep 200.
What am I-- Give me a break.
Faruz!
Faruz. Harry, sell them for 400, you keep 200.
Yeah, right.
Lou, Lou, I'm talking about
expanding your sports empire here.
Kickboxing? No, not kickboxing, no.
Then without a dice.
What? I mean, no dice. No dice.
Like, uh, how you say it?
You like VCRs? No.
I got a lot in the car.
They go for 400 each at Trader Horn's.
I give to you, 2 for 700.
Pick up Orient, everything. No. Huh.
Huh, huh. 650. 550.
Oh, Mr. Peck, please, could I get--
I'm talking now. Let me just explain--
You talked already. Now me. Sit. Sit.
Harry...you say 2,000 seats
at $15 a pop?
That's 30,000, plus beer and pretzels, whatever,
another 3 to 5.
Maybe more. Maybe more. That's bottom line.
Bottom. Harry, you ever hear of Murphy's Law?
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
That law was dedicated to guys like you.
Mr. Peck, come on.
You remember, you came in here a few years ago.
"Mr. Peck, Mr. Peck!"
What? You were gonna buy 2 tons of rocks
from the Berlin Wall. What?!
Yeah, I was. I mean, what, are you kidding me?
I would have cleaned up.
It's like owning a piece of history.
No, you wouldn't have. You got rocks in your head.
Nobody buys rocks.
What are you talking about, Mr. Peck?
Look at the Berlin Wall today.
If I had invested then,
you know how much I could have made by now?
I could have paid you back ten times.
What are we talking about?
Harry. You know what that's all about? What?
You'd be so good at something
if you'd only slow down.
Slow down, Mr. Peck? How can I slow down?
You know, I'm like a shark. I stop moving, I die.
You know, that's the way I am. Sharks got teeth.
Here, Harry, come sit here.
Not too close. I--I got a cold.
Listen, Harry, I like you.
You're a nice kid.
If you insist I gotta lend you,
I mean, I got to say yes. That's my business.
But then what will happen,
says my crystal ball,
is something--something-- I don't know what.
Maybe Grossman, maybe the State Commission,
but something,
and I'll be out my money.
You'll be in less than the best physical condition you'll ever be in,
which I would hate to see.
I would hate to see that, too. Yeah?
And we wouldn't even be on speaking terms anymore.
Harry, listen, I like you,
but I'm such a last resort.
Don't be so desperate.
Regis! Hi! How are you?
I didn't know you guys were in town.
(chattering)
(horn)
(laughing)
Where is that, uh...
Oh.
Huh.
You really should alphabetize your albums, Harry.
(music plays)
I got to pick my words carefully here,
but, I mean, you know, in all due respect,
I mean, you know, legendarily speaking,
are you in a bad mood or what? Hmm?
You see, he's confused.
I mean, he's thinking,
"God, you know, should I, uh,
should I bust the bitch in the face for humiliating me,
or should I thank her?"
Yeah. Maybe, you know,
hey, maybe I should thank her,
thank her for knocking down the loan to a reasonable amount,
that that little bastard is now obligated to,
if I come up with the rest.
What's that?
This is money.
How much and for what?
This is 7,500. This is for you.
This is 5,000 for a friend of yours.
You get me something for this,
and then... you get this.
Where'd you get this? Come on, Harry.
You know I kept every cent I could get my hands on.
Look at this. Here. You take this to Phil.
You say, "Phil, here you go. Cough up your end."
Who's my friend for the 5?
You know the Blue Dolphin?
What, on 11th Street? Yeah.
It's closed. Somebody bought it or something.
It's been closed like six months, something.
You take this, you get me a liquor license
so I can open it.
You bought it?
Yeah, you were right, Harry. I'm a city girl.
What the fuck am I gonna do in California, huh?
I mean, I'd die in California.
No, I got to make my stuff happen here.
It's just-- it's just I can't stand it anymore.
You know, he's all over me all the time.
But I can't get a liquor license in New York
'cause of that felony conviction I got on the books.
It's like a...
what, it's like a tattoo, you know?
Hey, Helen, you know,
you leave Phil, you leave town.
Ah, screw him. Look. Take this.
Get your friend to get me a license,
like you did for Marty Fatass.
Marty fatass was a goddamn hack license.
What you want is a whole different animal.
You're talking the State Liquor Authority now.
This is a whole different animal.
What, you haven't got a fucking friend at the SLA?
Why don't you just get it under another name,
or take on a partner?
Well...
You want to be my partner, Harry, huh?
You want to be my partner, hmm?
Me? Yeah.
Why on earth would anyone who knows me
willingly take me on as a partner?
I mean, come on, truly.
Well, 'cause you got more energy than Con Ed.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
You're an eternal optimist,
and...
you got a good heart.
I do, huh? Yeah.
You don't fool me.
Oh, yeah, I don't, huh?
No.
Come on, what do you say, Harry?
Hmm?
Oh, I really-- No, thanks.
I really think I want to take a shot
at this other thing.
Yeah? Really?
Oh.
No problem. You know, you just, uh--
You just get me the license,
and then you can have the money.
I gotta think.
Yeah. Now, I was asking around.
They say the best was when they had a Jew fight an Italian.
Then they'd line up for miles.
Also, I was thinking, what if I had an amateur night?
You know, get a cop to fight a fireman
or a sanitation guy.
Drop some freebies off at the precinct,
the firehouse, the dump, you know?
Oh, fuckin' Helen, man, this is it.
No more bullshit, no more. I can't stand the man.
I'm better than this. I mean, I'm no jerk.
Well, but... I am a jerk,
but it's like playing possum so far.
It's like the light under the bushel for me.
I been eating shit with a shovel,
but this is it, right? This is it, man.
Fuck Regis Philbin! Ho ho ho!
Do you know me?
People know me in the boxing world,
but sometimes in an airport or in a hotel or in a whorehouse,
I'm just another schmuck, another Harry.
That's why I carry this:
(ticking) American Express.
Don't leave home without it.
You really think I have a good heart? Yeah--
I do, you know. I know you do.
But you really think so, too? I do.
Huh? Yeah.
You bitch.
I tricked you, didn't I, Harry, huh?
WOMAN: SLA.
John Dugan, please.
Harry, I want to fly up a lady friend from Miami.
What lady friend?
What, are you turning sex beast on me now?
Dugan. Huh?
Dugan.
Dugie, Fabian the fox.
Fabian, how are you?
Good, good, good, very good. Listen, I got to see you.
No can do. No can do? No can do. What's "No can do"?
What's that, a Chinese appetizer?
I got to see you. It's important. About what?
About what. I'm getting married.
I want you to be my best man,
that's about what. Don't fuck with me, OK?
I'm serious. What else?
I'm serious. What else, what else, why else would I call?
Nothing else? Nothing else.
Where and when?
6:00 good tonight? Yeah.
Maricaro on Mulberry Street?
All right. I know it. 6:00?
All right. OK.
Now, what is this, Al? Who's this woman?
I can't have this.
I can't have my personnel up on morals charges. What is this?
Hey, Harry, you getting married?
Look at him. Look at him.
You got any frequentflier miles? (laughing)
You're sure? (laughing)
Rock 'n' roll, champ.
("The Great Pretender" by The Platters)
* Oh, yes
* I'm the great pretender... *
Dugie.
You're getting married, Harry?
Not exactly.
I didn't think so.
I couldn't imagine being your best man.
We don't even like each other.
I'm crazy about you.
You just got a selfimage problem.
Anyway, I got a friend who's gonna get married, this lady,
and I want to get her a unique wedding present
and I thought only you can help me with, you know what I mean?
Can't do it anymore, Harry.
They're watching me, I think. I'm not sure.
I got 5 bucks to spend, more or less.
You got 7,500 to spend, more or less?
75? 75.
No, I don't have that.
Then what did you bring me down here for?
You know, you waste my time, come on.
Sit down.
Sit. Come on.
Now it's 85, Harry.
You're still a prick, aren't you?
Yeah, I am, I am.
It takes one to know one.
You got any blanks? I'll print my own.
You got a forger, huh, Harry?
You got 1,500 for me?
It's in the paper.
(chuckles)
So's your blank.
2,000, Harry.
Just do it right, Herman.
Uhhuh.
It's got to look right.
It's got to look legitimate.
* What my heart can't conceal *
* Oh
* Yes, I'm the great pretender *
* Ooh ooh
* Just laughin' and gay...
Oh, boy.
* Like a clown
* Ooh ooh...
(laughing)
Aw, Harry.
Hey, you want to celebrate or something? Nah. I'm gonna crash.
No, come on, come on.
Oh, I know what-- Do that, uh...
Do that American Express commercial. Come on.
Nah. Yeah.
Come on, aw, Harry, come on, do it once, please?
Eh...
Oh, let me try it, then. All right, let me try it.
Uh...
Hi. You know me?
In the boxing world,
my name is a household word, but sometimes in airports,
restaurants, whorehouses--
Oh, come on. You do it. You do it.
Nah, no. Yeah, I want you to do it.
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. No.
All right. Do you know me?
In the boxing world, I'm a household name,
but in an airport or in a hotel,
they treat me like everybody else:
a piece of shit.
You know something?
You're just like a... hero looking for a target.
Come in with me on this thing.
I'm telling you, I could--
I'll bring you home, baby. Huh?
I can't.
What?
Come on, Harry.
(kisses)
You know, just you and me,
beneath a tree,
doin' what comes naturally.
What's this?
What's what?
Where'd you get this?
From my friend at Chase Manhattan.
What, did you go to Peck?
Peck? Do I look that desperate, Phil?
Hey, Helen. Did you see this? Where did he get this?
Hey, Phil, you might have underestimated my resources, my resourcefulness.
Fuck you. OK, fuck me, I won't argue,
but a deal's a deal, right?
We're men of honor, honorable men,
good and honorable men and all that.
Where the fuck would you raise 7,500?
Well, so...
Uh...
So, uh... No problem.
Just tell me when you need it. You'll have it.
How about right now? I got to rent a place,
a big place. I got to line up my meat,
I got to lay down my bond.
How much is the bond?
Uh...7. Seven. You got that without me.
You don't have to lay out anything else
till fight night, right?
Give me some time.
Hey, Phil,
you're leaving me with, like, 500 here, Phil.
Hey, you gonna bust balls, Fabian?
I said I'd give it to you when you needed it.
Did I not say that?
Yes, OK, yes,
you did say that, and I do believe you.
(music playing)
Nice people. Nice music.
MAN: Y'all got something to shave with, take a walk now.
These here? Radar hands.
You got it, I'll find it. Radar hands.
Nice suit. Where'd you get it at, Marty's? Let's go.
Yo, what we got here? Father Time.
Too old to hold your hands up?
Hold your hands up!
You're scaring me, pops, you're scaring me.
Scare you. Shake a tail feather.
Prick. Radar hands. Let's move it.
* We rise above it
* We've got to believe
* In each other
* 'Cause we all get lost
* Along the way
* We all still look for a better day *
* We all need help
* To find out where to end it *
* Yeah, yeah, yeah
Harry, I'm gonna break that bastard's face.
Oh, forget him.
What do you think? Big enough or what?
Forget him? Yeah, forget him.
What do you think about the place?
It's great, huh?
What? It's a fuckin' dance hall.
Yeah. It's great, though.
It's great for a fight.
Let's dance. Come on, disco buddy.
You know, Harry, I'm starting to have second thoughts about you.
Yeah, right.
I'm getting loch in kopf with this hubbub, Harold.
His name is Harry.
Harry. Harry. It's Harry.
I told you three times already.
OK, it's right over here.
Right on the right.
There you go, Frieda.
(indistinct)
Hey, shyster,
Boom Boom wants to talk to you.
Now.
Uh... I'll be right back.
I just have to do something.
Have the homemade soup. It's very good.
You can order one for me, too.
Homemade? In whose home?
What are you doing with him? With who?
What's he doing with you?
He's got a bum heart. What are you doing with him?
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, take it easy.
You still got registered hands--
Harry. You know what I mean?
Al.
Let's go, Harry.
Yeah, let's go.
Al...
(door opens and closes)
MAN 1: Donny, I need some help over here.
MAN 2: All right. Wait a minute.
Ah, Fabian. Mr. Resnick.
How are you? How are you?
All right. This is Al Grossman.
OK. Come on down to the office. Boxing, huh?
Yeah. It takes balls, Mr. Resnick,
and you got balls by the dozen.
I can tell, I can tell. Huh? Yeah.
It's a great place.
Al, give him a hand. What am I doing here?
He fucking wants 5,000 for the night
so I'm giving him the VCRs as collateral.
What the hell is this?
Oh, boy.
Aw, shit.
Aw...
You know, Harry, I--
(engine starts)
(telephone rings)
WOMAN: Champion Enterprises,
can I help you? Hold on, please.
Listen, tell him we're here.
Mr. Grossman.
Some place.
Big time.
(telephone rings)
WOMAN: Champion Enterprises, can I help you?
Hey, Boom Boom, long time no see.
Nice place. Hey, Cuda.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Heh. Just kidding.
Listen, kid, I'm only kidding, man.
Listen, you know, that happened,
that's OK. No hard feelings, OK?
No, you know, it's just, uh...
The way it is.
Hey, take it easy.
Ow! Take it easy.
(elevator bell rings)
(choking)
Easy! You make one more fuckin' move,
spic, I'll step on your fuckin' head.
No.
What are you getting yourself into, Al?
You want to do strongarm shit, Ira?
You're a very foolish man, Al.
Yeah, well, that's OK. Come on.
What do you know about this little prick?
He's OK.
Yeah.
Well, I'd like to have a few words with Harry.
Go ahead.
Alone.
Please.
It's OK, Al.
It's cool. Don't worry.
Harry, Harry, Harry.
That's my name.
So you're really gonna go through with this, huh?
Why don't I give you a little money
so you can forget it, huh?
I mean, fight game's tough.
It's not for everybody.
How much do you want, Harry?
I want to tell you something, Boom Boom.
Whatever anybody thinks of me, I paid my dues.
Six years at Legal Aid,
I must have represented like 15,000 poor people,
and you know how you do that? You do it fast.
You never go to trial, you cut 'em the best deal on the spot
and you move on.
But you know what happens when you go into private practice?
You can't shake that sixyear gogo head.
With civil cases, it's like you get somebody by the balls,
you make them pay, you get the hell out.
By the balls, you make them pay, you get the hell out.
Like a machine, like an animal, like with you. Like--
Now that's all I ever do is take the money and run.
Take the fuckin' money and run.
That's all I ever do.
I never, you know...
One time, about ten years ago,
I had these clients, like a Puerto Rican family from BedStuy.
And the police, they were like looking for somebody,
you know, they were looking for a guy.
So they broke in,
and they beat up everybody in the whole fucking family--
The kids, the grandmother, everybody.
The whole fucking family, looking for this guy.
They had the wrong house.
I took the New York City Police Department to court.
Me, Harry Fabian, right?
They gave me 10,000 and my clients 10,000 to go away.
10,000 to each of us to go away.
And I took it.
I took it.
You know, I don't know how much
we could've gotten, you know?
But I don't know, I could've like-- I could've like
taken the New York City Police Department to court,
and I didn't, you know? I didn't.
I mean, I could've, like, won.
I could've scored, you know?
Not money, but scored.
Instead, I just took the--
Took what they fuckin' gave me,
like a fuckin' asshole.
So, anyways, no, no, Boom Boom.
I'm tired of being an asshole and being a schmuck
and laughed at and everybody making fun,
they think I'm just a little fucking putz, man.
I'm not like that. No, no.
You know, why can't I have a piece?
Why can't I be the man for once?
I'm gonna make my stand,
I'm gonna be a fucking boxing promoter.
If I go all the way, like just to get you over a barrel,
man, I could do that all the time.
I do it all the time, right? Right?
So why? Why should I?
Why should I settle for that?
Just for the record, though, I want to ask you something.
How much were you gonna pay me?
(chuckling)
You're not wearing a wire, are you?
No, no, no offense. I didn't think you were.
You want to go ahead with this,
I can't make you stop.
But my brother Al,
I mean, he's a worldclass putz,
but what are you gonna do? He's my big brother.
I love him. I worry about him.
He don't like me.
He thinks I'm bad for boxing or something,
but who the hell cares, you know?
My point is, uh...
You sure you're not wearing a wire?
I said no.
Good, good. All right?
Good.
'Cause the point is...
that if anything should happen to my brother,
I mean anything,
if he gets the flu...
a heart attack...
He's had two, you know.
If he gets as much as a fuckin' headache...
I will have you killed, Harry.
Fuck you with these registered weapons.
You will die, Harry.
So you take good care of my brother, huh?
Make sure he don't get too excited.
Let's rock 'n' roll, champ.
I've got four fuckin' hundred dollars to my fucking' name.
I got to pay the printers, the doctors, the judges.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Anything happens to you, I'm a dead man.
You got to pay Al, you know. You?
What the fuck I got to pay you for?
I thought you loved boxing. You got any money I can borrow?
How about that old tune, your girlfriend there?
She win at cards a lot ?
AL: I'll tell you who I like. I like that kid there.
And that kid over there. See him?
That kid eating Fritos is good, too.
And that lightweight, you know?
And, uh, these two kids here.
They got fast hands. They're brothers.
Whoa, whoa. The brother thing I like.
Get them to fight each other.
Cain and Abel. I like that. I like that.
This, I don't know. Everybody's from uptown,
it's like a night in Nairobi.
How about him? Adam Carrington there.
And this kid, Battling Chan.
Got to get Moshe Dayan.
Oh, come on, now. Will you be serious?
No, I'm serious. I'm serious as cancer.
Wait a minute. Excuse me. Excuse me.
What do you mean, you're leaving me?
Feel better now?
No, worse. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(spits)
Come here.
Come over here.
Fuck you!
Let me kiss you, Helen.
(slaps)
Just let me talk to you, Helen.
Don't walk away from me. Just let me talk to you.
You go to hell.
Enough of this shit.
Where'd you get the money for the liquor license, Helen?
I earned it. What do you mean? Like tips?
You saved up your tips?
Don't you fucking touch me!
Uhh!
I kept sticking him, sticking him, sticking him.
Finally, wham, boom! I hit him a hook.
(laughing)
Oh, Harry, I want you to meet Bobo Epstein. Bobo.
Tommy Carver. Tommy.
Freddy, uh... Freddy.
DiMario. That's right. And Jap Epstein.
Jap, how are you? They all got good boys.
Who's got the brothers?
Me. They fight each other?
Heh. Not without knives.
(siren)
Helen, what are you doing here?
Hey! I did it.
I'm free.
Jesus. What happened?
Oh, fuckin' Phil, you know.
Yeah.
Helen, listen, listen. What?
This other place in California, where's that at?
Uh, somewheres out of Big Sur. Redwoods. Something like that.
Maybe you should try that place after all.
You know, New York, Phil, with the license...
There's so many factors around here.
You should like, start like real fresh, you know?
New York's a sewer, if you think about it.
Jesus, what--
Come on upstairs, you can tell me all about it.
No, I'm serious. Shit happens.
Look what happened to you.
How can you tell me something like this?
Phil, I almost didn't.
I said to myself, Boom Boom,
keep your nose out where it don't belong.
But then I said to myself, Phil's your friend.
Even then, I said, "Don't tell him, Boom Boom."
But then I hear,
like the straw that broke the camel's back...
You loaned this guy money.
I said to myself, enough is enough, Boom Boom.
Do your duty.
Weather the storm of outrage.
Helen and Fabian.
Harry Fabian.
Where do you think he got the money,
from the money store?
How did she get a liquor license with her record?
She must know some funny phone numbers down there.
Or she knows somebody that knows some funny phone numbers.
I mean, I'll do this for you, you'll do this for me.
Come on, Phil. Do you think I enjoy telling you this?
This is like agony for me.
This guy's a total fuck,
which I'm sure doesn't come as a big revelation to you.
I'm sorry,
but you're better off hearing it from me,
you know what I mean?
You should put their records under their names, Harry.
You're right. Absolutely right.
OK, so you put the records,
but put high wins and low losses, OK? High wins, low losses.
Anything else?
Yeah. I was just thinking, you know what?
You know what you should do?
Put Irish before Steve Cotton,
put ice between Al and Cole. You finished?
You want these things today or not?
Yeah. Yeah, wait. Let me finish, let me finish.
OK, let's see.
I got a great, great fucking idea.
I should have thought of this before.
I cannot fucking believe this.
This is a great, great idea.
You know that sporting goods store Bojack's? Huh?
Well, one of the guys, Bo Feldman,
he sued his partner, I got him the store more or less,
the guy still owes me.
So I'll get all these boxing gloves, you know?
I'll get like a couple of hundred,
say, let's say 200 boxing gloves, right?
I'll say "free boxing gloves
to the first 200 customers," right?
And I'll put up here, "Get punchy, New York."
Great idea. Great fucking idea.
Voila. Finished.
OK. 300 posters.
The tickets-- 2,000 tickets.
2,001. One for yourself.
And one.
$1,500. That sounds fair.
I'll pay you right after the fight. Bullshit!
Come on. Herman.
OK, right after the fight no good?
OK, before the fight, you happy? Harry--
Herman, Herman, I'm gonna write you a bad check.
Do you want me to do that? I'll write you one right now.
What are you worried about? My backer can't pay me till
around the end of the fight, so what's the difference?
Worse comes to worse, you'll take it out of the receipts,
it'll be right there.
Levon.
Why do we always go through this every time with you?
I'm gonna pay you--
I'm gonna give Levon my ticket, Harry.
OK, I don't give a shit. You know what I mean?
Yeah, give it to anybody you want. How you doing?
How you doing, hey. OK, well, give him two tickets.
Come on, let's go. Radar hands here.
You got it, I'm gonna find it.
I like what I do 'cause it feels so good.
All right, let's keep the line going.
Here to see Mr. Resnick.
I know the routine.
Oh, it's Father Time again.
He's with me, he's with me.
I got to check him for hardware.
(indistinct)
Can't you hear?
I'm with him.
He's with me. It's OK.
Go ahead in, pops.
Fucking piece of shit.
(laughing)
Very good, you did your homework. I'm proud of you.
Thank you. Good, good, huh? I'm gonna do the same for you.
You can have all the security in the world here.
I was gonna use some of my own people. No, no, no, no,
it's on the house. It comes with the place. Really?
I handle everything. I handle the bar.
Everything's taken care of for you. What do you mean,
handle the bar? That's what I do for a living, I handle the bar.
Yeah, but-- Thank you. I'm in a meeting.
This scumbag is selling blow in the joint.
Get him out of here. Save this for later.
Get the fuck out. Fuckin' idiot.
What's with the bar? What do you mean, you handle the bar?
'Cause I'm equipped for that. That's what I do. I'm equipped for everything.
I have the chairs, I got the ring. It all goes into the rental.
You take care of the gate and the fighters, it's that simple.
No, no, no, no. Screw you, man.
Screw me? Screw me? Yeah--
No, no, that's not the deal, man. That's not the deal.
Hey, you know, you can wipe your ass with this. Go ahead.
Go to a Ukrainian fuckin' dance hall. Get the fuck out.
Al, Al. Hey.
Don't touch me. Who are you to touch me?
Al! Do you know whose brother this is?
All right, relax. This is Boom Boom's brother.
I don't want to be swimming in blood over here.
Don't give me that brother shit!
Hey, man, you're getting him excited!
You're getting him excited!
It's 9,000. Love it or leave it, you got it?
I got a circus I could book that night. I don't need you.
You just got to take it out of the gate--
I don't take anything out of the gate. It comes upfront.
And the story is 3,000 for the insurance. Those are the jokes.
All right, OK, OK, no problem.
Come on, let's go. You all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
Look, the 200 gloves is a nice touch.
Where the fuck else are we gonna go? We got six days!
I'm gonna kill him and that big fucking dick.
I mean, we're goddamn matchmakers. We just make matches,
I'm not promoting this. Christ.
I owe Herman the printer and I got to pay this fucking prick.
What?
Al, what? You OK?
You shouldn't get excited. You shouldn't get excited.
I shouldn't get excited?
You kiss everybody's ass and I shouldn't get excited?
Whose ass did I kiss? Whose ass?
I'm saving your life, jumping in,
saying, "fine, fine" to everybody.
You, you're always with the hands, the hands.
I got to kiss ass to keep you out of trouble.
Me? Yeah.
I'm standing up for you, pissant.
You let everybody walk all over you.
Who? Who walked all over who?
Everybody! Everybody!
Come on, that's not true! What are you talking about?
You couldn't promote a fuckin' pillow fight.
You all right? All right? Yeah.
Take another pill. Al, take another pill.
I'm OK, I'm OK.
You get too excited. You get too excited.
Jesus. 9,000. Cocksuck! I can't fuckin' believe this!
Anyhow, always remember to tell the customers
what great wines we have by the glass.
OK? That's gonna make a...
Hey, Harry.
Come in. Come on.
Hey, Harry, you got to come in.
Yeah? Oh... Yeah, come on. No. Come on. Please?
Come on. Come on in. Come on in.
Hey... So...
Oh, everybody, this is Harry Fabian, you know?
Hi. I want you to know this face, memorize it.
You are never, never to accept money from this man.
He is family.
Joanna, bring Mr. Fabian a cup of coffee, huh?
Black, please. Sure.
Yeah, the place looks great.
Yeah. Looks great. Yeah, good.
Very, very promising.
Helen, listen... Yeah?
I gotta, I gotta-- This is like the bottom for me
to come to you like this. I--
I need a loan. 5,000. I--
I'll pay you back 6.5 the night of the fight.
I swear on my mother's eyes.
I mean, these fuckin' people are fuckin' me around.
I just... You know, I'm stuck. I'm stuck.
I don't have it.
I mean, if you had come to me yesterday,
I would've had it. It's just--
You see that? There's your loan.
That is a cruvinet.
Keeps open wine fresh
so I can serve glasses of the good stuff
without ditching the bottles.
Anyway, there's your loan money.
It has something to do with nitrogen balance.
You know that that wine cooler cost 16 grand?
16, huh? Yeah.
There are, like, only ten of them in all of Manhattan.
Yeah, well, I could see why. Yeah. Anyways, you know,
I'm almost tap city myself, Harry,
so, uh...
Look, Harry, why don't you ask Phil?
Because, uh, it is a good deal,
it really is.
I just, I just don't have it.
Phil. That's, uh...
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Harry,
you want to see great art?
OK, look, I'm gonna go, OK?
Good luck. Yeah.
OK? Thanks for trying to help me.
You know, those things happen.
Hey, hey, hey. Look,
if Phil can't come through, then come back, OK? OK.
'Cause, you know, I can make some calls.
I can try.
It's not good, Phil. What?
The loan. I appreciate it, but save your money, my man.
It's just not good.
What are you talking about?
I need 12 grand if I need a dime. That fuckin' disco.
Now they want to hold me up for nine,
so it's over. I mean, I tried to raise some more money,
it's just impossible.
It's very tight out there. Very tight out there.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing.
You know, it's just, uh... I don't know anyone.
So? We'll make it 12,000.
You're shitting me. Why not?
Long as you know I want 14,5 back.
Phil, you know what? You're OK.
You know that, man?
You're still gonna have to wait
till a day or so before the fights.
It's a lot of money.
You know what? I'm gonna tell you something.
They broke the fuckin' mold with you, really.
They broke the mold with you, Phil, really.
Thank you very much.
Did you hear the news? What?
Helen walked out on me.
Aw, Jesus. Oh, no. What a cunt.
I'mI'm sorry, Phil, really, it's...
You know what else?
What?
She's opening up some joint on 11th Street.
Hey, you know, fuck her, then.
I mean, fuck her. It's better that way
if she's that kind of person, you know, to begin with.
I can't fuckin' believe it. Christ.
Aw, man, I am really sorry.
I'm really, really, really sorry,
but, you know, when you think about it,
I'm sorry for her more, because, hey, you know,
a person was like that, you can always leave them,
but they, they have to live with their fuckin' selves
all their life, you know?
You gotta live with yourself.
You make your own bed, right, Harry?
Exactly. Now you got to lie in it.
Exactly.
You know what I can't figure out?
How'd she ever get a liquor license?
Well, you know, they're so fucked up down there. God knows.
I mean, she lucked out, I guess.
When you're hot, you're hot, you know.
You know how it is. You can't give it away.
It's like crazy there--
You know what, Harry?
I'm gonna throw you a goodluck party.
How many kids you got fighting? Ten?
12. 12.
I'm gonna blow you the dinner here the night before.
You know, prefight night. Be good publicity.
You, Al, the kids.
Really? Why not?
Got to protect my investment, right?
Maybe even get a writeup.
Be good for the place, too.
No booze, though, 'cause of the kids.
So why don't we make it Monday night, early,
so they can get out early.
They got weighin Tuesday, right?
Yeah, right, right. OK, so...
Let's make it, like, 6:00. Throw a dinner for them,
I'll have the money for you. What do you say?
Mr. Phil.
Hey, Harry, what are friends for, huh?
Huh? Huh?
Thank you, Phil. Thanks.
Whoa!
I won't forget this, Phil.
De nada.
(dialing)
Yeah, uh, State Liquor Authority, please.
Hey, hey. Come here. Here's a dollar.
I want you to ask for Mr. Bo Feldman
and give me the phone back, OK?
(dialing)
Mr. Bo Feldman.
Yo, Mr. Feldman there?
The man say, "Who calling?"
Tell him the athletic department at Tildon High.
Athletic department, uh, Tildon High. My name is Rolo.
Yo, Bo, Harry.
Hey, what's Shacks doing there,
cleaning out his desk?
Yeah, Bo. How much do you owe me?
No, no, I know, I know. Sure, sure, OK, you know,
I can wait, I can wait, or, or we can do this:
How are you fixed for boxing gloves?
As many as you got.
Today? Right away? Good. OK.
("Cool Jerk" by The Capitols)
Come on. Phil! Phil!
They brought their managers and their girlfriends.
I couldn't say no. They'll sit on each other's lap, OK?
In the back.
Round the bend, round the bend. Table's over there.
How you doing? Hey!
How you doing?
Tessler, why don't you join us in about a half an hour?
I'll give you an item there.
Give me an item?
(taps glass)
A toast, a toast, a toast, a toast. To you all.
No, the hell with you all. To me all.
(laughing)
No, but seriously, to fame and fortune for us all.
ALL: Yeah!
And here he is, our gracious host, Phil Nassaros.
MAN: Yeah. Legendary bartender.
HARRY: And here he is, Adam Carrington...
How you doing?
Mr. Grossman. Boom Boom sent me over
to see how long you plan to stay in New York.
He's a little concerned.
He doesn't know if you got money, where you're living.
Believe me, he respects your privacy. That's why he sent me.
He just wants to make sure you're happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good night, good night. Don't be late.
Don't be late. OK.
Wasn't she with somebody else?
Never mind, you don't understand.
Good night. See you Monday. OK. Good luck.
Good luck. Get to bed on time.
Make sure they get to bed on time.
I will. I had a great time.
Bed on time. Thanks, Harry.
Darling... Pleasure to have you.
He's gonna win tomorrow. He'll be a champ.
Really nice, huh?
It went great. Great.
So...
You got something for me?
Hey, listen, there's a little delay.
I'll have it for you tomorrow morning.
Ooh, tomorrow? Ooh.
You know, it's cutting it kind of close here.
No, no, no, no, no. The delay was at the bank.
Look, just have your weighin, pay your bond,
I'll meet you here after that, OK?
I got to pay these guys or I'm fucked, man,
you know, it's like, uh...
No problem. It's the 11th hour here.
I said I'd have it, OK?
OK, OK, OK. I'm just, you know,
I'm just saying, 'cause...
I know, I know...
(doorbell buzzes)
(buzzing continues)
Helen. Hi.
Hey, long time no see, huh?
What happened?
What's the matter?
No, I don't know. Nothing happened.
I just-- I just, you know...
You just got me out of a deep sleep,
you know. Everything's OK?
Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's OK.
I mean, what could be wrong, you know?
No, I thought maybe I'd, you know,
come by and make you some breakfast, huh?
Yeah? Yeah.
(dialing phone)
Yeah, Odyssey? Uh, delivery.
Uh, two coffees, two orange juice.
Harry, you want eggs? Nah.
No eggs. Two rolls with butter.
Mmhmm. Fabian. 15 Cornelia Street.
2C.
You know I'm opening tonight, Harry?
Yeah, well, I'm having the fights tonight.
Ho ho ho! Harry Fabian!
That's great.
The return of...
It's a big night for the both of us, I guess.
Yeah... It looks that way. Yeah.
You know, Harry, I, um...
I couldn't have done it without you.
Well, I couldn't have done it without you, too, you know, so...
I feel great.
Do you? Do you feel good?
Yeah, I'm good. Oh, yeah, I'm good. Good.
You know, uh...
I got you a little... just a little something.
What's this? Well, what are you doing?
You didn't-- Why--
Wait a minute. What is this?
What? What?
Aw, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ, these are beautiful.
Yeah? These are beautiful.
What'd you do this for?
I'm happy. I never felt, uh...
I never felt happy like this before.
You're my friend... my pal.
I don't have a lot of friends, you know.
You, you're my buddy.
That's why I got it for you.
It's...
Look at that. "Harry Fabian."
Up in lights.
Santiago, 142.
(applause)
MAN: See that? Sugar Ray Robinson. Handpainted.
What's with this? I can't piss.
Well, drink some more water. I did, I can't piss.
Yo!
Morales flunked his CAT scan.
What? What's that mean? What?
Give him another test, doc. He must've--
I'm not letting him fight.
What? I get another fighter, you mean?
Just go down to the gym. I'm not letting this one fight.
Aw, Christ. Al, what am I gonna do? Waitwaitwait--
I'll get another guy. I'll give him a call now.
Get him down, get him down.
Listen: run water on your fingertips. I did.
Fabian, these pictures, they're handpainted, right?
What is this, an art gallery?
Come on, Cotton, piss, piss, piss, piss!
Come on. Cut it out. Come on, this is the easy part.
Piss, piss, piss, piss, come on! I can't.
Give me. Give me that shit. Give me that.
(urinates)
On the house.
AL: How the fuck do I know who painted it?
Hey, I was just curious. Jesus!
Hey, Fabian. More good news.
The brothers flunked the piss test. Cocaine.
Fuck! Cotton, here,
take your peepee here. Give it to him. Fuck! Fuck!
Get your matchmaker down to the gym.
I'll do it myself. Stay right here.
Stay right here, stay right here.
You see ring name here? Put down King Kong King.
King Kong King, OK? You pee yet? Good.
I need two welterweights for a sixrounder,
a middleweight for eight.
I need two welterweights for a sixrounder,
a middleweight for eight. Anybody interested?
John, Phil here? Phil?
Yeah. He's doing some business somewheres.
Somewheres? Where's somewheres? I'm a little late, I had to--
You wouldn't believe what happened.
He hasn't been in.
But he's coming in, though, right?
I guess. You guess?
Are you sure he's not in the back, in the office, the kitchen, John?
I didn't see him if he came in.
Yeah, but I'm supposed to meet him. I'm a little late.
Drinking? No, I don't want anything.
Sure? Yeah.
Where the fuck is he?!
Hey, Phil.
Hey, Phil, where you been, man?
Why?
Why? Come on, Phil, Phil,
you're fuckin' with me now. Come on, Phil.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking? I'm talking about the money.
What money? What? Oh, you were serious?
I thought you were joking about that.
Why, you really thought I was gonna loan you 12,000 bucks?
Fuck with me! Fuck with my wife!
Cocksucker! Ow, ow!
Fuck, man! Ow, watch it, watch it!
Goddammit! Piece of shit!
Here's your 12,000!
MAN: Hey, Phil! Knock it off!
Stop, Phil!
Shit!
Here's your 12,000, cocksucker!
You're in hell! Dead on earth!
Prick.
MAN: Set 'em up, man.
No, both those go on the outside, huh?
Father Time. Badass from the heydays.
(laughing)
Stay out of my face, you fuckin' orangutan.
Uh, delivery from Bojack's club. Where do you want them?
Stick 'em in his mouth.
Over there.
The heydays. The old days.
(laughing)
You keep it up, I'll show you some old days.
That's a good one, pops. I like that one.
Listen, I, I-- No, I just got to--
Mr. Peck? I just got to talk to you for a minute.
Give me five minutes of your time,
I'll tell you, it'll-- No, no, you will--
Mr. Peck, if you give me five minutes of your time,
I can just explain to you--
I can just explain to you what I need.
I can give you the money back 24 hours from now.
I just-- Mr. Peck, it's a matter of life and death.
As you know, Mr. Peck feels very nervous about this.
No problem.
It's just a 24hour loan, like I said.
Mr. Peck, really, A 24hour loan, that's it.
Just so you understand,
if there is a problem, it's gonna be yours.
No problem. Absolutely no problem.
We'll have a few people there tonight to make sure.
Oh, loan officers. Good, good, good.
Perfect, perfect.
OK, thank you very much. Thank you.
Mr. Peck, thank you very much. Thank you.
(bell rings)
Hey, make sure those curtains don't cover those lights. MAN: OK.
Father Time be bad in his day,
but his day is history.
Go eat a fuckin' banana.
Father Time should be eating a banana.
Keep him regular.
(man laughs)
Father Time be dealing with time marching on.
All right, you son of a bitch.
Come on, put 'em up, you cocksucker.
Ah... All right, fuckhead.
(men laughing)
Get up! You want Father Time?
Yeah. Come on, you fuck.
I'll show you the good old days.
I'll show you the good old fuckin' days.
I'll show you how it was in the old days!
Hey, what are you doing? Al, hey, hey.
Stop it, guys. Come on, please.
Come on, guys. Stop! Stop!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
Somebody help him. Come on, get up, get up.
What the fuck you doing?
Come on, man!
Al.
Al, Al, Al.
Al, take a pill, Al.
What's he doing?
AL: (gasps) Al!
What's he doing? Take a pill, Al.
Harry. Harry.
Al. Please, Al.
Oh, no.
Al.
I didn't do nothing, man. He beat me.
Wake up, Al.
He beat me. I didn't do nothing!
He beat me, man. I didn't do nothing!
Can anybody help me here, please?
Call an ambulance. Call an ambulance.
Call something.
Anybody know CPR or anything like that?
Does anybody know anything?
Somebody help me! The guy's dying!
What do I do? What do I do?
(grunting)
Come on, man, come on, come on. Don't fuckin' do this.
Don't fuckin' die. Don't fuckin' die.
Come on, Al, wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Al...
Oh, no.
(alarm)
This is-- This is-- Christ, this is terrible.
I mean, this is terrible.
You see, what happened...
Oh, what a fine man, a leader.
What a fine man. This is a tragedy.
It's terrible. It's terrible.
You see, what happened...
A victim that was...
What? What? But I wasn't even there.
I grieve for him. I wasn't even there.
I just want to be understood. Hey, hey, because if I could,
Boom Boom, if there was any way,
please, don't you think, don't you...
I mean, please, he was like my father to me.
No, you know what, he was more, more, because--
Boom Boom, no, it's not my fault, no.
This city, you know...
This city is... oh, gosh.
Uh, Helen...
Hey, Helen.
I fucked you over. That's a forged license.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I found out about it, oh, about 3 this afternoon.
They showed up. Some people, you know.
Oh.
Helen, I swear to God, I just,
I didn't mean to do it. I'm just an asshole--
No, you did the-- the best you could by me,
I guess, under the circumstances.
What happened to you?
Oh, Phil heard.
Look, I got 12,000 here.
This is all I got. Maybe I can make a pool.
We can pay someone down there.
There's other guys besides Dugan, you know, I mean...
Al Grossman died.
Fights are off. It's all over.
I'm a dead man, too, now.
Take it back to Peck.
You don't need him on your ass, too, do you?
I worked out something with my brotherinlaw.
I'm gonna swap this place for his out in California.
Good. Good for you.
Want to come out there with me, Harry?
You know, keep me from going crazy?
Look, you know I know you,
and I know that you wouldn't hurt me
if you could've helped it.
Oh.
Oh, Helen, you're killing me here.
I guess it's "kill Harry week," huh?
Come on out with me. Come on.
Lay low.
Boom Boom will cool out.
You need to buy some time, Harry.
I'm so tired of running, Helen.
Then stop.
Give me a kiss.
Oh.
Hey, Harry.
("Freaky Styley" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Where are they?
There they go, the motherfuckers!
* Say it out loud
* I'm freaky styley and I'm proud *
(horns honking)
(bangs)
(banging)
(continues banging)
(gasps)
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
I'm here, I'm here. All right? I'm here.
I'm here, I'm here!
You beat on ladies, you fuck? She's a good chick.
You want to kill me? I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit!
I loved Al so much, you know what I got for it,
you know what the fuck I got for it?
This is what I got from the guy who beat Al to death,
the guy you cowards should really be after.
This is me doing your fuckin' job,
fuckin' me, with my bare goddamn hands,
standing between some giant fucking animal,
hated Al from the getgo, beating him to death!
This is me! I'm using my body to save his fuckin' life.
He's laying, I'm holding his face in my hands.
I said, "Don't you die, Daddy! Please, don't you die!"
He's laying there. I'm holding his face in my hands,
and this big bastard's kicking me.
I'm holding his head, the bastard's kicking me, nobody's doing nothing.
"Don't you fuckin' die, Al, please, man.
I won't let him kill you, man. I won't let him kill you."
Where the fuck were you guys when we needed you,
when Al needed you?
What the fuck?
You see this? You see this?
What do you think?
Me and Al were just in for the fuckin' money, man?
The money? Hey! There's the money.
I got kicked, punched and smacked around
six ways from fucking Sunday, man.
I held a dying man in my arms,
so fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
How'd I do here? How'd I do here?
I don't know.
(gunshots)
(screams)
Are we even? Are we even? Huh?
Are we even?
Are we even, huh? Are we even?
Harry.
(siren)
The restaurant, where is it, Big Sur?
Yeah, around there.
Good. Everybody's there's into punishment food, right?
Beans, yeast, whole grains.
We got to fly in the face to that.
We got to go high cholesterol:
deli, egg rolls, chicken fat.
They'll kill each other to fall off the health wagon.
Natural food is not natural, believe me.
We'll call it, like, Greenstreet's, you know, like Sydney Greenstreet,
like the fat man, like Greenstreet's--
I'm calling it Helen's. Oh, that's good, too.
We'll get pictures of all the famous Helens:
Keller, Reddy, of Troy.
Then six years down the line, all goes well,
you could run for mayor, like Clint Eastwood.
Or President, like Ronald Reagan.
Enough, enough.
Uh, you know what I'm doing,
saying all this, Helen?
You know what this is? Guess what this is.
This is my Harry Fabian imitation.
Pretty good, right?
(siren)
Boxing. Jesus, I must have been out of my mind.
* Oh, yes
* I'm the great pretender
* Ooh, ooh
* Pretendin' I'm doing well *
* Ooh, ooh
* My need is such
* I pretend too much
* I'm lonely
* But no one can tell
* Oh, yes
* I'm the great pretender
* Ooh, ooh
* Adrift in a world of my own *
* Ooh, ooh *
* I play the game
* But to my real shame
* You've left me
* To dream all alone
* Too real is this feeling of make believe *
* Too real when I feel
* What my heart can't conceal *
* Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender *
* Ooh, ooh *
* Just laughin' and gay like a clown *
* Ooh, ooh
* I seem to be
* What I'm not, you see
* I'm wearing my heart
* Like a crown *
* Pretending that you're still around *
* Yeah
* Whoohoo
* Too real when I feel
* What my heart can't conceal *
* Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender *
* Just laughin' and gay like a clown *
* Ooh, ooh
* I seem to be
* What I'm not, you see
* I'm wearing my heart
* Like a crown *
* Pretending that you're still around *
* Around
* Ooh
* Yes, I'm the great pretender *
* Just laughin' and gay like a clown *
* Ooh, ooh
* I seem to be
* What I'm not, you see
* I'm wearing my heart
* Like a crown
* Pretending that you're still around *